Let me start off by telling you how happy I am that you have been blessed with this new little person in your life. You are about to embark on a beautiful journey of parenthood. I am so excited for all of the firsts that are coming your way.
Even though my heart is bursting with happiness for you, you may not see me for a while. And let’s face it, you may not even notice because you will be too busy tending to the needs of your new son or daughter, learning how to be good parent, and trying to fit in as many micro naps as possible. After the initial, meet and greet of your little one, I may fade into the background for a few months just to get my own emotions in check.
Depending on how well you know me, you know that about 10 years ago I had a miscarriage. (It’s OK, I’m not looking for sympathy.) That was the first and last time that I was pregnant. After many years of unsuccessful trying, and being now in my 40s, I have come to accept that conceiving and giving birth to a child is something that I may not ever know. And that’s OK. My husband and I have chosen the adoption route, but it’s taking a bit longer than my emotions would like to believe.
As I look around and see a vast majority of friends having babies, I can’t help but feel a bit of sadness, self-pity and envy. I don’t want to bring those sad sack emotions to you in this time of celebration. Even as I write this, there is a knot in my throat that I can’t seem to swallow around. Shedding tears of sadness while holding a newborn is just super awkward for everyone involved.
Please don’t misunderstand. I am not unhappy with my life. With an amazing husband, an awesome job, two adorable dogs, good health and family and friends…I love my life. But that doesn’t take away the longing that I have, to be a mom.
Know that once I have brought my emotions back to a safe place, I will be back around to share in your delight. I can always be counted on for gifts for the baby (and you if needed), a recap of the new movies you won’t get to see, babysitting, or just another adult to talk to.
Never doubt the joy and happiness I have for you and your family. I'm just practicing a bit of self care. Once we reunite, I can give you and the baby all of the loving attention that you deserve. You are amazing, I love you and I know that you will make an excellent parent.